Texas braces for Invasion of Slimy Predators

In a story reminiscent of a 1950's sci-fi "B" movie, giant, deadly, concrete-eating snails have been found in Texas.

"Ride 'em, cowboy ;)"

 Residents were alarmed until it was discovered that the slimy creatures were part of President Obama's advance team, preparing the way for his visit to the area.

The President was passing through on his way to meet with supporters at a Brokeback Mountain gala.

Separately, sources claim to have discovered dozens of photographs on the President's iPhone of former president George W. Bush. The clipped photos mostly showed the former president doing manual labor on his Crawford, Texas ranch, sweating profusely while clad in a blue jeans, T-shirt and cowboy hat and boots. 

The sources confirmed that Obama does in fact have pictures stored on his iPhone of the former president's paintings, self-portraits of him shaving and taking a bath.