Friday, October 01, 2004

p*ssing on a hydrant

It is a beautiful, clear, dry and cool morning. I have a relatively busy day ahead of me, including a flight south for the weekend. And there is a real asshole on this train.

Allow me to explain. Few things strike me as more pitiful than an older man who still has a chip on his shoulder. You know, one who’s actions indicate that his dick is so small that he’s still playing catch-up with every other man. He’s the guy who puffs out his chest around other males and talks really loud while giving guys who are better looking and/or more successful than he is the evil eye. When he encounters such a man on the train, he makes sure he takes up the entire isle and refuses to make room for the better looking guy (that’s me) when he tries to pass.

I suppose it’s sophisticated form of “my dick is bigger than yours” in which case he is, of freaking course, totally bluffing. As it was, I just walked right through him as if he didn’t exist. I suppose it's a measure of my own angst that I didn't gracefully and humbly defer to his overweening rudeness. But at least my angst, whatever its root, isn't about my masculinity.

Similar to the other day when a moose of a bodybuilder pulled the same stunt with me on Wall Street. He was dressed in such a way as to show off every steroid-filled ripple. In other words, he displayed a total lack of class. And as we passed on the sidewalk, he went out of his way to plow his shoulder into mine. The trouble for him is that I weight about 25 pounds more than I look like I do, so imagine his surprise when his little muscle-bound shoulder-check failed to slow my momentum or affect my course. I know his bones were jarred because mine were.

It’s like this. You might encounter hundreds of people at close proximity every day in the city. Mostly we find a way to coexist with dignity. Every once in a while some asshole with a Napoleon complex goes out of his way to piss on someone he thinks is littler than he is. But alas, bigness isn’t always visible, poor morons. God bless them, too.


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